i know most people think that officers have it all. the slack life, free from all "sai-kang" (dirty laundry work), the good pay, the authority and rank to be above reproach. i don't deny that at least the last few bits are mostly true, and in fact my rank saved me from alot of unnecessary trouble a handful of times. but its times like today where all that seems so negligible when you try to be more than you're supposed to be.

i remember talking to my sergeant in bmt, told him how i didn't wanna go to command school cause i don't quite agree with the way SAF leads people. sure regimentation is all so important esp in a military organisation, but more often then not i find that shouting and barking out orders isnt the most effective way of doing things. maybe i had been in church for quite a while and too used to the all so comfortable correcting method, but i did have sort of a culture shock when i first enlisted. for wadeva reason and moral i stood by, i told myself then if i were ever to become a commander i would make sure i don't lead my men the way the system so very much encouraged. and would i be hypocritical to do so.

and its times like this that sort of make me regret not imposing and exerting my authority to the extent that which would make work so much more convenient and simple. such a fine line to thread between being a friend and being a superior. one false step to the left and u have work undone and having your words fall on deaf ears, yet a unplanned move you find your men thinking you're shoving your rank in their faces. the hardest part of it all is, we are all from the same batch, probably even schoolmates/classmates. all men have egos, and most don't like them bruised. if i wanted to pull my rank over you and adored your melodic voice greeting me 'sir' each time u see me, i would have made u do so from day one, i wouldn't have changed and gone to carry stores for you while u sit in office, and i certainly would not have covered for you guys when you all just magically awol-ed without so much as informing me.

as far as work is concerned, i certainly have to enforce it such that the work is completed. you don't just pretend it doesn't exist and wish it did magically disappear, at least i know that my head is on the line should anything happen or fail to deliver. i have to face the music not you, and yes ironically thanks to the rank i'm given. so yes, i would have to enforce authority to see that it is done, and if you may, "pull rank" over you. i just hope you come to see that its imperative of any working organisation to have a structure of discipline to achieve anything.

sigh. seriously, being an officer is more than a walk in the park.