Yeah I try to write it out, not sure what I recall
I can’t tell if it’s memory or story telling now
It happened very quickly but it seemed to last for hours
And everything was crisp and clean till all came crashing down

So much fire and debris that I was nearly blind with panic,
and there was no one anywhere to turn to be saved
from the tyranny and cavalcade. And all use was lost.

And the more that I would struggle, the more that I became entwined
And the thickets & the thorns became my flesh and I was vine.
Creeping deep into the pavement, breaking ground as I grew fast
To the center of the city and up again where I did gasp
in the air or the breeze and I was still alive with a start

And there were people everywhere to behold and admire
And I longed to be one of them and though I was lost
I felt familiar with my surroundings, though they didn’t look quite right
Like someplace that I had been before, under cover of night.
And I found my way by light of day to the center of a crowd
and told them I was one of them and begged them for their help.
And with stones they took their aim, and I knew I would die at their hands
Where I was crowned a heretic to be loathed and set fire and laid upon a pyre of fire

And as I cast my eyes to the sky I felt your touch,
so gentle and so soothing that I knew I had been saved,
but my movements were so labored and my will had been betrayed
But my lips they were collop now and to them I am enslaved.
And the slightest indiscretions that I made were met with rage
And I burned to be free and then you rescued me
with your voice and beckoned me beside you and your touch was alive.
Sensational and vibrant and with care and your words

You say “a secret is a stealthy thing, you cannot know its plans.
You were only dreaming, dear, and now you’re here with me again.”
You ask if I’d account to you the spirit of my night
And you handed me this pad and this pen with which to write.
While it’s fresh in your mind.
Before it gets away
Before it gets away.

well okay happy birthday to me i suppose. haha so you did probably be expecting an entire long entry of like self-reflections and sudden revelations and all, but nah i've decided to keep them to myself this time.

and thanks for everyone who send me those birthday wishes or gave me presents, which includes that so very humiliating light-blue spongebob balloon with my name and nickname(which i still refuse to acknowledge) by my cellgroup. haha gosh guys, NS soldiers here. oh my bruised pride of manliness. anw, thanks alot people. really appreciate it no matter how big or small the gesture. haha you all are cherished by me. lol.

was thinking of what could my birthday wish be, and i suppose it's really to have a vision for myself in the remaining 24 weeks in ocs(infantry) for the short-term and my life in general for the long one. yeah you know how people say leading a life without vision is like running a race without knowing where the finishing line is? i sorta feel really blessed and all; like im really contented with the life im leading now. no qualms about it and all. but a clearer direction could help i suppose eh God, like where You wanna take me to with all that You have given me. oh well, we'll see.

and these 4 days break is way too short. too much to do in too little a time. yeah well here goes my embracing arms toward the 24 weeks of infantry.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
"It is well, it is well with my soul."

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

My sin, o, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

and like the flu has been bugging me for two weeks now, ever since i over pushed my immune system during that 4km fast march or rather, 2km fast march + 2km FBO(full battle order) run. so i had quite a hard time breathing during the 16km route march and was totally giddy and feeling all messed up during the hour of torture on the parade square after the march. pure agony. i thought i was gonna like throw up or collapse cause my head was spinning so badly.

wanted to report sick the next day but apparently someone felt it wasn't "worthy enough a reason" but i managed to fight for at least a visit to the medical center to get some medication. and well at the medical center the doc insisted i took an ECG scan after checking my breathing patterns out with his stethoscope. and so, with the ECG results on his desk he turned and looked at me with concerned but flurried eyes and went, "your heartbeat is erm... rather suspicious." and so with that, they flew me down to NUH for further examination. haha it was like some sorta ER tv drama kinda thing, but well wth.

and apparently i needed the ECG results which wasnt given to me so i had to retake the scan again followed by a blood test, which they had to try 3 TIMES just to get a syringe of blood out of my left arm. so i sat there rotting for 2.5hrs while watching "america's got talent" without audio and just reading my book when they finally called me to tell me that, "you're normal. you can go back to camp now."

oh well hanyang was saying i should have told the doc, "you know why my heartbeat's suspicious? cause i caught God's heartbeat." haha that would have been totally classic.

and well social night went well i suppose, considering the amount of time they had to get it in order. and the 24km overnight route march this coming wednesday morning before pro-term officially begins.

exhausted. all worn-out and spent.

an entire month of field camps. and just when we thought it was now gonna get better, we realised that our so called now "slack and relaxed" timetable consists of fast marches, SOCs, route marches, OCCTs and whats not. oh well. anyway yeah im staying in infantry, officially. well i dont know if this is a good or bad thing but the next 6 months certainly wont seem to get any easier. okay so social night's this friday, and our 24km route march and graduation ceremony's(if you may call it) next wednesday.

now i've gotta go sleep early to recover from this annoying flu or i wont have my nose(and voice) back by friday. oh yeah, and that major test tmr to study for.