i went for jc service practice today. well okay it was better than i thought it would be, as in, we managed to get things done faster than expected. 6 songs in 3 hrs, quite an accomplishment yeah. esp for a band that neva played together before. stayed up till 3am kinda to practice for it, okay lah as well as hang around online.

and i duno why i was particularly disturbed by an argument i had at home on saturday morning. i was really affected by it, i felt like it totally drained me or wadeva emotional strength i had left. i felt so wasted walking around NYP trying to find the theater of arts. and guys, i didnt mean to be late okay, its just that something happened at home thats all. oh well i think i managed to brighten up my own mood somehow. the day went well i guess, had 6 visitors for service! yeah.

and we were just talking about all the new structure and all, and then matthias asked me a real hard question. a question i seriously didnt know how to answer though i went through it a thousand times in my head. i didnt know how i felt, or rather i didnt wanna know how i felt, nor to make sense of it all at that point in time. don't i feel shortchanged? to tell you the truth sometimes i really feel like perhaps i am. but no, it now seems as though from it learnt so much more about my own walk with God, about my own character and myself. those things that had to go, and those things that were to come, sometimes they dont arrive do they? i remember the pastor of that particular service saying that God doesn't shortchange us, He neva does, and i believe it with all my heart. But i recall vividly how i grappled with that fact in my heart that day. it certainly didnt make sense to me, nor did my emotions.

and it was during that period in time too that i felt really spiritually down, washed out. jaded in my innermost. i recall how things weren't going so well at home too, and there was that big big miscommunication thingy in school between certain people which trapped me in that oh so tiring and complicated situation to handle. i felt really low, so low i felt like shutting myself and taking a break out of everything just to try to get my life back on track. then i will never forget how gideon went to meet me saying he felt like he just had to talk to me, and on that very same day jontay felt like he needed to meet me too and he so happened to bump into gideon who confirmed his compulsion. and i will neva forget the exact words he said to me when he saw me, he said at that point in time he knew one thing for sure, "that God loves me alot." sure as trite and cliche it may sound, it meant a whole lot to me at that point in time.

and as i was thinking through all these i got reminded of how on my 17th birthday i prayed for God to grow me, esp in that particular area. and i see how all these fit in now. sure to be honest with you i dont see how everything pays off now, but one thing for sure, i seen how God grew me in that area. i asked God to grow me in maturity. and well i must say He did do His part on that! haha oh well.

anyway, i would be off to bangkok almost this entire week. be back on late 29th nov. maybe, just maybe its time to take a long overdued break.

oh yeah hello people! like you realised already A levels has ended. haha and weird how i dreamt last night that we had bio paper 1 left, and how the night before bio paper 1 i dreamt that our sch dismissed us to go home and do the paper, and me telling kahfai i did call him at night to check my answers so that i can get full marks lol. oh well.

actually i didnt mean to like not post for so long, haha just real lazy, and busy!!

been doing loads of stuff after my A's. like watching heros, continuning my smallville, that korean drama, etc. played soccer with the guys yesterday too, haha neva had so much fun in like.. 30 days!?

ah changes changes. i told myself a few days ago how i didnt like changes. i mean who does like seriously. and how apt pastor jasmine talked bout changes today, a subpoint of the sermon. you know im starting to think sometimes, or rather too many a times in life, we aint really know what we actually want isnt it? i duno sometimes im starting to think i duno what i want in my life, but then again im fully convinced that all i want is God. its those little gritty stuff, like you know yeah. just random stuff.

and there's no such thing as a carnal Christian isnt it? that is in Christ we are born again, a new creation; dead to our old ways and alive in Christ. ah see then again i duno why im saying all these.

haha oh well really sleepy i guess.

oh i have jc service prac tml, then im flying off to bangkok for the next week. then back for word for life the week after, and then there's prom, and the following day there's jc service itself, then sat service, then sunday onwards church camp. oh did i mention the church soccer league first match is next next week as well.


Papa went to other lands
And he found someone who understands
The ticking, and the western man's need to cry
He came back the other day, you know
Some things in life may change
And some things
They stay the same

God, i know that they are some things that i don't and perhaps will never understand. but in faith Lord, let me carry out Your ways.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." - Hebrews 11:1

no seriously, i do love my life. :)

ah thank You Lord!!

you know, being the diligent me i studied till like real late for chem last night(fine last minute lah), and only managed to get to sleep at around 2.30am. and so i slept and slept. and dreamt and dreamt. yeah you know just those normal random dreams. oh then suddenly my dreams turned completely and i started dreaming about chem, and i even recall seeing ClO3 and stuff. then for no reason i just like woke up(without anyone calling me okay), and i nearly died when i saw the clock.. 7.20am!!! aahhhh!!! and i had a paper at 8am lah goodness me. i flew outta bed and tried to locate my mom then i realised she WASN'T AT HOME.. i called her phone and she finally picked up and she said she was only on the way back from sending my sis to sch, and said that school was at 8.30am so she decided not to call me up so early.

huh!? eh cannot be lah right. then i went to brush my teeth and all still feeling very confused then when she came home she went like "eh how come you're awake?" okay i was really very very confused. haha like what kinda question is that, didnt i called u just now? i later realised she thought i was my bro on the phone.. then i told her i still believe i had a paper at 8am. then she went like she checked already and today's a tuesday, no paper. hahah i was officially totally confused. i went to grab my entry proof and showed her, haha and she screamed and blah blah and we rushed to sch.

despite the jam and all, i managed to some how reach the school hall at 7.52am. haha oh man everyone was like seated down and all alr.

eh God thank You for waking me up. haha i know there's no possible way i would just wake up like that especially since i was so sleepy and stuff. haha manipulate my dreams somemore(oh, the ClO3 thing came out too!!). and thank You for bringing me to school in time!

ah okay, econs econs econs..

Jesus, open my eyes to the work of Your hand.

went to THIN my hair today, then went down to cityhall marina square in attempt to study with melcher jason davin michael and ivan. well i guess we ended up talking and all.

haha had a good time catching up, on the good old days. all those lower sec bullying days and all. ah i really miss all those times man. ex school, ex church. haha we all grew didnt we?

oh yeah and i visited my grandma today too. haha everytime i go there, its like the whole place is smaller and smaller to me(im just saying i've grown lah okay.). haha and i think my grandma misses me alot! yeah im sure she does lah. but i duno its like i was just sitting there enjoying her company and all, but it seems like there's so much less that we say to each other now a days. hmm maybe lah, just not much to talk bout anymore, haha but in an odd way im so happy that i could actually just sit there and you know, be there.

don't it feel like sunshine afterall. :)

Jehova Mekkadesh; the Lord sanctifies.

take me deeper in love, take me deeper with You.

This is a forgery, this is a forgery
Every single word is plagiarized.
Copied twice and thrice inscribed
This is a forgery.

This is an enemy, this is an enemy
Compliments and chemisty.
Cavalier and so charming
This isn't everything, this isn't everything.

This is a travesty, this is a travesty,
every sentiment has been contrived.
Palatable and so refined. Sugar sweet to appetize.


This is a forgery, this is a forgery
Every single word is plagiarized.
Copied twice and thrice inscribed
This is a forgery.

Literally.

ah okay i think A's hasnt been so well.. like wadeva i studied for GP didnt come out and i ended up doing the "can the belief in the supernatural be sustained in the modern world?" (and i only intended to plan it okay..) and how math paper 1 is totally screwed cause i aint know how to do 30 marks worth. then chem paper 3 i didnt know they wanted us to NAME AND DRAW out the mechanism.. i didnt even name lah gosh. so wasted! and i didnt see the word 'displayed' formula, which caused me another 4 marks. and i got a couple of reagents wrong too. and qns i did before but totally forgot.. ah oh well.

and i really mugged my ass off for bio, and they tested like first 3 month work as essay. haha oh well. i duno wad to feel about it. its doable but yet so uncertain. and math paper 2 today after bio was supposedly easy, too easy that i had too much to spare i went to change my answers to make the entire question wrong. and how i left 2x2x2x2x2x2 as 6x2, and forgot that -ve can me squared to give u a positive answer. OH WELL.

so thats all. the good stretch before my hibernation.

i guess today marks the last time im having math tuition with mrs lee. wah gosh after like 6 years, i most probably wont be seeing her again for maybe the rest of my life. haha she literally saw me grew up from how i looked in my ezlink card then till now. haha oh well. yeah God bless you too Mrs Lee!! okay lah i didnt exactly have tuition for 6 yrs in a row i had some breaks between the years and came back for tuition the start of this year. oh well.

and i shall do my best for math. ah right.

and i really wonder, why my heart's been feeling so heavy for the past few days now.

Be it in a quiet pasture, or by a gentle stream
The Shepherd of my soul is by my side
Should I face a mighty mountain, or a valley dark and deep
The Shepherd of my soul will be my guide