okay im very disturbed, or rather just affected but this documentary i just watched on discovery channel. Jonestown: paradise lost. and how apt it was since pastor ben talked bout cults and all yesterday during sermon, while in this case it was founded by jim jones who subsequently relocated his 'People's Temple' to Guyana, in the middle of vast jungle land, which made it impossible for anyone to leave Jonestown.

okay so the people lived there without communication from the outside world of any sort, no tv, no hps, no A levels. and anyone who tried to escape was drugged severly to the point of incapacitation, and beaten up and stuff. the problem is that maniac literally brain-washes the people into thinking that its their paradise, their preferred choice of life. good grief, 1000 people all living in fear and a dictator with full control over their lives. they even had to surrender their children to communal care, address Jones as "Dad" and were only allowed to see their real parents briefly at night.

and then the story goes on how Congressman Leo Ryan and his team which compromised of relatives of the People's Temple, went to visit Jonestown, and ended up being killed while a few only a few managed to run into the jungle.

AND THEN, jim jones orders the whole town(900+ odd) to commit mass suicide, on the grounds that it would be a million times better off to die to live like the way they were, arent allowed to live in peace(refering to the Congressman's visit and the media). and so they fed poison to the 300 children through syringes and then the rest of the adults took the jab.

you know what amazes me is how Jim Jones knew full well the whole time that he was a fraud, and how he perhaps was too much of a wimp to kill himself and had to take the whole town with him. what amazed me was how its so evident that leadership, is really all about influence. it doesnt have to be like the right influence, people are willing to follow regardless. AND yes, what amazed me most is how the 1000 people actually decided to give their entire lives up to jim jones and were fully convinced that they were being oppressed and then decided it would be best to die.

it really made me realise on how empty life could be, and everyone is waiting for a direction and purpose. what struck me was this thing a survivor said, "we wanted to believe that it was still our dream, that it was our goal; so much so that we didnt know that the dream had became a nightmare." you know he was so disorientated and confused that when he left he signed an agreement stating that 'he willingly leave his son behind in Jonestown.'

oh well. i duno. mislead or desperate for meaning in life? you decide.