well so here it is? A levels for me. haha and tml so happens to be Halloween too. okay lah, make the festive mood with a real intimidating GP paper? i duno.

met up with melcher, davin and jason to study today. haha glad to study with them after so long. then went prata and caught up and all. haha A's A's.

yup all the best dudes!

Hey God, this is it yeah. it's time, walk me through it!

Exodus 33:14-15
"The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."
Then Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here."

God i ask for Solomon's wisdom! haha okay.. here goes!

i was just talking to God last night(okay i pray every night), then i really got reminded again on what a priviledge it is to have a comforter, a listening ear, a friend, to listen to all my troubles and worries. i remember on how i was so joyful in my heart haha but then i was really tired, and u know what? i fell asleep.. haha but then i dreamt about how i went here and blogged about what God spoke to me and all. haha so blessed you know, so blessed.

oh, there must be more than this.
Holy fire burn away anything that is not of You, but is of me.

ah so close.. 4 days now eh.

and i kinda fell sick for no apparent reason at 2am last night, woke up sneezing and all. i guess im fine now, had medication and lots of rest.


so come on courage, teach me to be shy.
cause it's not hard to fall, when you float like a cannonball.

you know what i just heard...

THE CLICK FIVE WENT TO ZHONGHUA SECONDARY.

HAHA THIS IS LIKE... AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! dude we neva had such stuff when i was in zhss. all we had was some chinese singer who was supposedly famous and some police band.

AND NOW THEY HAVE CLICK FIVE!! haha gosh im delirious.

ahh click five can actually go to zhss.. seriously, all things are possible. the prob of that happening is lower than me having tea with chris carrabba.

erm yeah...

Isaiah 40:30-31

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

yeah so i guess its just 10 days now eh?

i duno man. i think im insane i dont feel stressed out yet. i duno maybe im immune to this all already. ah nono i am stress. shawn u should be stressed. yes i am. im stressed cause i aint know anything bout marco econs, except the ability to "add fluff". yes i am stress cause.. i should be?

i fully agree with what shirley said during sermon today. and yes, u know just a couple of nights ago i was on bed talking to God and all before the mock math paper 1. i wanted to, i duno. assure myself of His realness in my life i guess? talked to Him bout how i dont wanna enter A's feeling the same as a pre-believer would, but enter it with as a warrior of Christ and child of God. i felt so so so blessed to be a believer, to have found my maker. i duno i just felt this.. joy? this bliss that night. haha and then i couldnt sleep and lol oh well.

oh yeah as in i think the reason why a relationship with God is so logical(at least to me), is that He is really the only person in this world that fully understands me. like who actually knows the real me? i dont even know myself sometimes. i guess.. i need a sure thing?

and i have to say that many random events over the past week have really encouraged me. even from simple stuff like reading bout people's own walk with God in their own blogs, and of course all the various encouragement from peeps and stuff.

alright, so 10 days it is. 10 days to make or break. 10 days where i need God more than ever. 10 days where im just so glad to have God to walk me through.

Consider the odds, consider the obvious.
The martyr is meaningless, the campaign has died.
In the planning stages and the fallen faces
are the singular proof that it was ever alive.

This purchased rebellion has been outbidded,
denounced and rescinded and left to die championless,
championless, championless...

and like a flood His mercy reigns
unending love, amazing grace.

would you stay? so jaded and faded away.
time has been spread so thin, making pace void of my haste.
now i'm drowning me out, in boasts of defection.

my hope is feeling worn, moped in a distant abyss.
who clings on to their fears, drowning in a glass of deception?
oh Lord, i'm missing home; again it goes unnoticed.

a certain callousness complies,
and where time has been spread so thin, and its just hours till the day begins.

okay im very disturbed, or rather just affected but this documentary i just watched on discovery channel. Jonestown: paradise lost. and how apt it was since pastor ben talked bout cults and all yesterday during sermon, while in this case it was founded by jim jones who subsequently relocated his 'People's Temple' to Guyana, in the middle of vast jungle land, which made it impossible for anyone to leave Jonestown.

okay so the people lived there without communication from the outside world of any sort, no tv, no hps, no A levels. and anyone who tried to escape was drugged severly to the point of incapacitation, and beaten up and stuff. the problem is that maniac literally brain-washes the people into thinking that its their paradise, their preferred choice of life. good grief, 1000 people all living in fear and a dictator with full control over their lives. they even had to surrender their children to communal care, address Jones as "Dad" and were only allowed to see their real parents briefly at night.

and then the story goes on how Congressman Leo Ryan and his team which compromised of relatives of the People's Temple, went to visit Jonestown, and ended up being killed while a few only a few managed to run into the jungle.

AND THEN, jim jones orders the whole town(900+ odd) to commit mass suicide, on the grounds that it would be a million times better off to die to live like the way they were, arent allowed to live in peace(refering to the Congressman's visit and the media). and so they fed poison to the 300 children through syringes and then the rest of the adults took the jab.

you know what amazes me is how Jim Jones knew full well the whole time that he was a fraud, and how he perhaps was too much of a wimp to kill himself and had to take the whole town with him. what amazed me was how its so evident that leadership, is really all about influence. it doesnt have to be like the right influence, people are willing to follow regardless. AND yes, what amazed me most is how the 1000 people actually decided to give their entire lives up to jim jones and were fully convinced that they were being oppressed and then decided it would be best to die.

it really made me realise on how empty life could be, and everyone is waiting for a direction and purpose. what struck me was this thing a survivor said, "we wanted to believe that it was still our dream, that it was our goal; so much so that we didnt know that the dream had became a nightmare." you know he was so disorientated and confused that when he left he signed an agreement stating that 'he willingly leave his son behind in Jonestown.'

oh well. i duno. mislead or desperate for meaning in life? you decide.

I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
Where I would impress you with every single word I said
It would come out insightful, or brave,
or smooth,or charming

And you'd want to call me

okay, i think im seriously in love with 'hold on' by the shore.

after 4 good long years,
its still so so magical.

oh well. i guess im like school-less now wants again. farewell assembly was yesterday, of which i graduated from SAJC.

oh u know i couldnt sleep the night before farewell assembly.. i kept thinking bout what was gonna happen, bout leaving the class and all my friends and stuff. haha well maybe i was over-reacting or what i duno lah.

and then farewell assembly finally came. it was real sad lah gosh. eh and shirnee didnt turn up!! maybe she went back to malaysia or something lol. oh man the college hymn was so bittersweet. like u know its so wonderful singing the college hymn while having arms locked ard one another, across the whole school, yet at the same time knowing that its the last time u are gonna sing it. i'm really gonna miss miss miss sajc a whole lot. miss morning worship, scripture reading, chapel, class prayermeets, ME lessons, the liberty of ponning all lectures and tutorials and of course, school; AND all the wonderful wonderful people in sajc.

you know the reason why i feel real sad leaving sajc is cause u know that there are people whom u would neva meet again, esp your acquintances whom u arent close enough to ask them out and stuff, and all the random people and hi-bye friends. ah oh well.

ah and i had to go up to stage to present mrslim the retirement gift that my class got for her. yeah my principal's retiring this year too so it makes the whole farewell thing more sad and emo. AND AH TAKE THAT SOPHIE AND CRYSTAL!! see i hugged the principal on stage and thus i won the dare. haha i was so tempted to lend over and give them a wave. haha. ah.

okay i managed to (forced em to) take a picture with everyone in class. haha even the teachers and erm my math tutor whom of which i neva did attend more than 15 of her tutorials. and then at the reception where i took pictures with as many people as i knew and could ask. haha and the thing is i dont have my own camera so i have my pictures in lots of random cameras. ah oh well. farewell farewell.

you know it almost feels as if im closing a chapter in my life. i still recall the day before first intake where i climbed into school with shijie(used to be my sheep in church) and explored the place with the construction workers all staring at us wondering how we managed to rapture ourselves in. on how there was all that cca decision making and stuff and me subsequently being ccaless. on how we prayed and interceeded for the school in EVERY single CG and service and church camp. on how we did surveys in the school coming out of our comfort zone and stuff. and on how i became the class rep just because i was busy saving the world before bedtime(okay lah i was on missions to sarawak), and then getting to meet all these wonderful Christians and people. God i really do feel so blessed to be in sajc.

AND NOW, i shall, continue to love my life.

i've been sleeping alot lately.. i guess its cause im falling sick and stuff. i lost my voice for like one week alr, and have this hole in my tongue thanks to myself having bitten it so hard. literally a hemorrhage in my mouth.

and oh i cant believe this. its the last week of school already. the LAST week of my JC life. the last week of me wearing school uniform in my life. the last official week of you know, school life. just a flip of the wrist, i'd be waving you goodbye.

well which means.. saying hello to the much anticipated and adored A levels.



Lay my bones
At the feet of the ministry
I need the guilt and the company
I need the chance to be judged
And then long forgotten

Lately I just can't shake it
I count the days in seconds and minutes
Hours and hours are subtle as shards of glass
In the skin

Forgive my manner of speaking
I know it's quick, but the clock is still ticking
And I've got a few words left burning holes on my tongue
I've been saving them

There's a story hidden
Underneath
If you dig in deep
Will you find relief?