let me tell you

and then on thursday morning i kinda took this GP essay book i saw on my table and read it on the way to school. in my heart i was like, God i know this is very last minute, but i pray that u grant me a peace of mind and get me into the GP mood i guess.

so i randomly flip to some essay, remembering that kahfai said that politics are impt for this bt2(i came to realise every topic also got test what..). okay so i came to this random essay and just read it i guess.

okay so while we were waiting for the time to be 8 and for us to be able to start the essay paper. i was like just staring at the paper through the back of it, the blank page. somehow hoping i see something familiar or something which i read. ay but dont have lah, i was looking for some 3 lines question cause the essay i read just now was kinda long.

AND THEN.. i looked at the top of the blank page and vaguely saw a 3 line question, something to do with freedom.

and then when we were asked to check for two printed pages, i was totally speechless..

it was the EXACT SAME QUESTION i read this morning. out of thousands and thousands of questions, it was exactly the same, word for word!!! and the question is something u can't spot lah pls.

"Franklin D. Roosevelt said that the world should be founded upon 4 freedoms: Freedom of speech, Freedom from want, Freedom to worship and Freedom from fear.Which, in your opinion, is the most important freedom?"

how can u spot that!!! haha gosh i spend the first 5 mins like marveling at the power of God. haha i dont mind He does this for my As too lol.

ay anyway bt2 has been kinda bad so far. tough tough papers...

things don't stop and the others announce they're moving on
salt and tears in the minds and the mouths of a bad decision
too late for another mistake it's bringing you down
with all your faults it isn't your fault

what's going on

and then as i alighted from the bus, God prompted me that something was admist.

so i turned around to see my white chem file left on the bus seat, as the bus door closed between us.

i watched as the guy who boarded the bus at the same stop went to my seat, right beside my file.

and the bus took off..

checked with the terminal, they found nothing..

you know one of the reasons why i am not really dying to blog bout camp is because i know words cant express and would undermine how awesome camp was. just like we said, much was expected, and much was given. i think on the whole God moved big time in the camp, so much more than i could ever have imagined.

yeah was kinda busy this camp too lah, with rehearsals the day before camp and having to wake up early every morning for pracs and rehearsals. the theme of the camp was First Frontier: An Emerging Seed Generation. so the teachings were about being a seed in the schools/camps we are in, which is alongside the CG08 plan. to have a Christian community of at least 7 non-graduating people in every school/camp by the end of dec 08. it can and it shall be done!!

oh yeah this was the first camp with my new cg too. SAJC CG. okay lah its supposed to be called JCNEA2, but i think SAJC CG sounds cooler, or SACG. interesting bunch of people lah, with different personalities, but all share the ultra-lame side.

God spoke to me in a few areas of my life, esp on the second night. the area of disobedience. you know when pastor jeff was preaching he said 'partial obedience is no obedience at all.' it kinda hit me hard as partial obedience is infact disobedience. it just shows that we dont trust fully in God's character to want the best for our lives, that we dont trust what he said in jeremiah 29:11. and i guess sometimes when we decide to obey God, our hearts dont quite fully agree and submit to Him isnt it? im guilty of that. 99% is not whole-hearted. sometimes i do have my doubts, i question His will in certain areas of my life. and even sometimes as i do His work im not fully trusting His plans in my heart and try to accomplish it in my own human effort.

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." Psalm 127:1

and i know i need to learn to trust God more. less of me and more of Him. i know that at times i look at myself and tell myself that i need to grow in this area and in that area, but i just simply forget whose image i should be reflecting. not that of mine but that of Jesus. well i repented yeah i did. i felt kinda guilty i guess, but eh anyhow God's words isnt to bring guilt but to build us up. i was just kinda mad at myself on why didnt i see things earlier. it seems like for far too long i've forgot the joy in serving God, just too concerned about getting things done, solving this and that. what difference is it then from the doing things in the world? serving God IS a priviledge, and i neva once regret it. why out of thousands of people in your school, God choose YOU, specifically YOU, to be the one to make that difference, to be the one to bring about a spiritual awakening in the school. i think many can identify with what im saying lah. oh well.

wah and when pastor jeff got all the fairfield methodist people to get up and go on stage in their pe shirt, wah i was just... WAHH!!!! it is really one thing to hear about what a big difference esp in synergy a big Christian community can make and another to see it for yourself. i think that move really shocked the whole youth church. imagine that's sajc!! wah gosh.

and im really encouraged by people like weekeong and edward, who intially totally didnt want to go for camp. spend so much time talking to them, persuading them, assuring them that its gonna be awesome, and even telling them we would refund them the money if they regretted it. haha and when they went, i saw how edward had his spiritual eyes open, going up to share testimony about how God made a way for him to come for camp and service infront of the whole newly formed jc group. and wah for weekeong, how God touched him in service and seeing him just breaking out in tears in awe of the greatness of God and worshipping on his knees.. wah i tell you, how can God not be real!!!! seriously all of us would be total fools spending $120 and 4 days 3 nights of our lives at singapore sports school if God isnt real.

much was expected much was received.

you know i feel very convicted about getting the next generation of saints and completeing CG08 and stuff. very i must say. but at the same time, i feel afraid. im afraid i just aint got what it takes to do it. it's like all this time im in jc ministry its finally the phase where outreaching is the most urgent, yet perhaps the most challenging. its when you start to ask yourself why you are serving God at this point in time when all your friends are mugging their butts off. why you are trying to get to know as many j1s as possible when your friends are getting to know all those science molecules. its really a test of maturity, with lots of decision making. and seriously from the current state of things, it really seems like its almost an impossible task. 16 saints by end july. im saying this because when it finally comes to pass you will know that it is not by our might but by God's will that it came to pass.

"Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God." " Mark 10:27

i re-evaluated quite alot this camp. on the realness of God in my life, in my friend's lives, in the world. am i really giving my whole life to God? i dont want to be holding back certain areas of my life, its just nonsensical. if God is real as i found Him out to be, there is no reason why i should be keeping certain areas of my life from Him.

and as i was worshipping God on one of the nights i saw a vision of sajc, as in the familiar faces around the cafe and stuff. i saw how desperate their souls were, and sad to say how lost they are. people wanting to fulfil that emptiness in the hearts, hiding and pushing away all that in a false sense of self-confidence and assurance that there's value in what they pursue. oh please those are my friends for goodness sake! i duno maybe i just couldnt contain all that God was feeling, and i just kept weeping and crying. im not gonna give up inviting my friends to church, to them knowing God because God wouldn't have given up on them, and most importantly because God didnt give up on me.

ay you know i just wished that this CG08 thing happened earlier. like wah. i duno lah i bet u know how i feel those who were at the camp.

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

it couldn't come at a better timing..

had our first combined jc, together with second service people, service today. haha okay however u call it lah. rather cool yeah, seeing everyone in their various jc uniforms haha. and yeah, hci so big! haha two whole middle rows.

okay i wanna stop blogging here bout today cause i feel this intense expectation for camp! haha i was like talking to the other leaders too and they were also saying the same thing like there's really this stirring in the spirit, as though something's really great is gonna happen.

haha i duno. i seriously duno. this expectation is so much i cant contain it! haha. i think right bt2 is kinda abit screwed up alr.. haha oh well. you know i seriously think this camp is gonna be a make or break for many people, including the older believers. i think its really time to up the game, make up our mind on whether God is indeed the first in our lives or not.

God, i wanna grow man. seriously, if ever i was lukewarm i pray that after this camp i would stop being so. let my yes be a yes and my no be a no. i want to know what i want in life. not just in the temporary but for the future as well. i want a rhama word, i want a direction. i want a conviction, not just an assurance. mould me with the Refiner's fire.

and please, im not dumb. if God is not real, there's no way would i choose to devote so much time in serving Him, giving up even hopes and dreams.

so God!! haha move in the camp man. oh gosh i cant wait.

and i like the way Jon Foreman puts in it dare you to move,

we had our first sajc cg on thursday! okay we met at hsiaoen's place to study before heading down to debbie's place. of which i kinda overslept and didnt manage to reach at 11am. okay lah reached at 1 plus. okay managed to do more organic chem mindmaps. sheesh its so much i really hope to finish it asap.

and then i realised im a totally failure at cooking. haha i cant even cut cucumber properly, no, peel cucumber properly. oh well. haha real proud of jon! didnt know he's such a good chef. made such decently shaped sushis haha.

okay lah cg went well i guess. u know to be honest it was better than i thought it would be. haha okay. potential to grow man. sajc for Jesus!

okay i finally watched a walk to remember. some show which i d/led eons ago but didnt get the time to watch. haha actually to be honest i think the guy reminded me of how i was like before i went to church. but yeah it was a real nice show. very honest i guess.

THEN i went to my room to LIE DOWN. man i tell u just to lie down.. then next thing i realised it was 7.30pm. and i was supposed to meet gideon at 7.15pm lah. haha die! okay anyway, went for my shepherding with gideon, together with matt and kai. okay i guess i did grow alot under him, as in i found out alot about myself. not just weaknesses and strengths but also my own character and basically who i really am. i still recall once asking him to tell me who am i. as in cause i guess i was still searching. very lost and directionless. yeah we've come a long way lah. thanks shepherd! haha. 1 yr and 6 months. quite a long time? i duno. oh well.

and yeah i guess i took a really long time, to like find myself and stuff. and okay lah haha i guess i really grew alot in the past year or so. learning to really place trust and faith in God, even when situations and circumstance seems so much more tangible at times. and i was just thinking through, actually seriously wad is 70 odd years on earth? its really nothing but a scratch in eternity. who would remain then is God, God's word and souls of men. materialism, achievements, fame, wealth are really all so temporal isnt it. and maybe perhaps the world views such stuff as important because their persception of life is only that 70 odd years. please there's so much more to life. so so much more.

don't people question their existence? their purpose in life?

ah duno lah. oh and CAMP's COMING!!!!


i my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes
To the work of Your hand

When I’m blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes
To the work of Your hand

and then You told me who i am.

so yeah. changes changes. i see the desperate need to study. its like this june holiday is really one of the last few times for u to catch up with all the sch work or u just did be left behind till the A's.

and when time's been spread so thin, the pressure keeps building up doesnt it. i duno why recently there seem to be so many things happening like, this problem that problem, this change that change, this and that, this and that.

anyway i finished my whole week 1 filled with lots of camp pracs and stuff, so gotta really get some work done this week.

oh yeah. this would be the first week in our new CGs too. i hope everything turns out fine yeah lol. takes time lah takes time.

Consider the odds, consider the obvious.

Hope has sprung a perfect dive. a perfect day, a perfect lie.

okay its so fast right, tml's our last CG together.


ah oh well. aint the time to get emo man..