i guess its really time to do some serious reflection and reality check. it suddenly dawn upon me the urgency for the guys jc group to seriously grow. we were like some big piece of mass with so much inertia, and how very hard it was to get the group going. and then it seems like we are like slowly slowing down in our fervour for God and stuff. yes talking bout head knowledge, i believe that we have grown. but if u look at things from a spiritual light, it do seem that the group has become rather stagnant; for far too long. things are getting so challenging and urgent, with the restructuring taking place this sat, and the J2s whom probably gonna transfer over to the NS group in a month or so, i realise how pathetic the strength of the group would be. 4 i guess, a real pathetic 4.

and then i saw how important it was to really have the joy in serving. i guessed i reached a point where commitment is no longer an issue, as in im ready to give any amount of time to serving God as it is, and priority is also no longer much of an issue in my life. yes God's kingdom first definitely. they say growth is a norm in God's kingdom, and if we should stop growing it would indirectly indicate that we are backsliding from God. how very true it is. God, i wanna grow in my spiritual stamina, i wanna grow in my spiritual awareness. i want to have that joy in serving once again. i dont wanna just serve as a norm in that sense that it becomes so routine. dont wanna just have my head there but my heart there as well.

and then i remembered the time a couple of months back when i shared with Gideon how i dont have as much desire to serve God as i had before. and how i learnt about desire being something as simple as a decision. a decision to wanna love people more. a decision to want to place God above everything else. a decision to be a man after God's own heart like King David. and of course, a decision to desire.

hearing the song 'the stand' by Hillsong(sorry for being so random!) suddenly brings back that feeling of how easy and joyous it was to go all out for God. how joyful it was in my spirits to share the Gospel. in fact, i seemed to love doing it! i wanna thank God for subsequently putting all those challenges in my life. oh how it was so very difficult to choose God's Kingdom over something which i dearly love. but im proud of my decision, and i hope you are proud of yours too. i guess tough times really shape a person. God please put more challenges in my life!! i need to grow seriously. i wanna be able to teach and invest in people not just in fair weather but in rain or snow.

i felt that today's shepherding with gideon and matt was really useful. haha gideon and his counseling techniques. he made us ask him questions about how we felt of the other party. as in matt and me. like i ask gi how he felt about matt and matt ask gi how he felt about me and stuff. then we asked about what areas we could grow in and what concerns he has for our lives. i guess it really made things easier to share in a good way. and i learnt lots from that. i wanna be able to stretch and grow my spiritual life at the pace i am committing and serving outwardly. i wanna know, as in really know and recognise, why i serve and commit and not just serve and commit. yes the joy in serving!! haha okay i feel so motivated and convicted as i type.

and lastly, i wanna lead my life as an encouragement to people, especially other Christians out there. i hope i can impact them in a way or another, perhaps show them the joy in serving. and i really hope that the MCG bbq event tml would turn out well. i hope many responsive prebelievers would turn up. and i hope it doesnt rain!! haha pls dont let it rain. oh well. farewell CG for the YJCians later. Amen growth would soon follow.