so i thought i had the answer, i thought i knew the way out. i thought i had everything under control, and that things would be like they were once before. it felt like a spiritual confusion. yeah i felt kinda lost in the spiritual world. then it seemed to ponder on mind, how could this happen to me? if i cant even lead myself effectively to God, then how can i lead others to Him?

so i figured the issue lies in me. i thought there were ways that i needed to change. certainly changing, becoming more biblical, draws me closer to God eh? after all God favours those who reframe from sin, and those who seek to become more like Jesus. so areas in my life i try so hard to change, sadly to say that it felt like i was doing it on my own, on my own effort. guys, believe me when i say, to change your life by your own will is just so tough.

so i cried out to God, knowing all these while it's an area that He's growing me. it's a time of learning, a time of stretching myself. God help me!

then the answer came yesterday. yesterday when i skipped math tutorial and went to the library, and when He answered me through His words from a book. the problem, the problem was that of compromise. areas of my life, i compromise, i give in, telling myself it's okay, it's fine. see the destruction it leads to? think about it, does the thief gets caught the first time he steals? chances are very likely that he doesnt. then he compromises, from candy-canes to shoplifting. then they get caught. then the consequences set in. the issue of compromising, the consequences of compromising. the devil does it in such a way u get to enjoy that instant sense of gratitude the first time u succeed, and then u just do it again.

no, i didnt steal. im just explaining the logic behind it lah deh.

couldn't i see? that i was doing it all wrongly. couldn't i see? that the answer had been such a simple one. we dont change our lives to get closer to God. a consistent and strong relationship with God, is what changes you. not physical changes, but changes from the inside out. ah you see, the answer is one that we know all along, is one that i knew all along. it is like just, having that childlike faith to look at things once again. change out of love for God.

feel there's certain areas in your life that u so desperately wanna change? i understand how it feels like dude. the answer doesnt lie in you, it lies in Jesus Christ.