its been almost 2 weeks and im like still sick. its starting to really irritate me. yeah anyway, its like the chinese new year mood and everythings getting red.

had like chinese new year celebrations in sch yesterday. seems like half the cohort convinently fell ill or whatever, and didnt go to sch. wanted to give it a miss too, but then erm, thought otherwise. had like church service at 3pm too so couldnt like do much, even if i were to go back to my old sch.

had like played chinese charade. yes chinese charade where we had to guess chinese 7-8 words long verses or wadeva u call them, and some other games. yeah okay its just so awfully strange to play chinese charade, esp after u like totally played the english one in church activities till ya know how the whole thing works and stuff.

had a new chem teacher for our chem tutorial. so we kinda made it a point to take the whole hour to do self introduction. haha. so we went around the class to give a self intro. so it came to my turn. wasnt planning to like share what i shared. tried to drag the intro for as long as i can.. but ya know what? as i shared i kinda shared about how i was and who i now am. yeah and i added like how i went back to church and was changed totally. i felt so burdened to.. i dont know. i wanted to add and direct it more to how God changes lives. but yeah, there were muslim students. well anyway, at least i managed to, in a way, share Christ. thank God for that.

you know what struck me most, was as i shared, i was really truely amazed at how God changed my life. yes i think emo plucking around i think we can all just tear and be in awe at the wonders of God. God seems so real to me now. i cant possibly deny His presence, definitely.

rushed down in time for service yesterday. all i know was that i am just so relieved to be in God's presence. sister jasmine poon shared with us from the Gospel, and i guess i responded to an altarcall which have seemed to appear and affect my life quite occassionally, especially of late. i responded to building closer ties with my family. yes i really mean it. i dont talk to my family much at all, i dont share with them about my life. i think there's quite a distinct handful of us who are like this eh? like we are with our family of God, so much more that we start to neglect our own family.

okay. couldnt go out today coz that would seriously make my parents, esp my mom, ground me from going out and much less serve God. been going out till like.. 10pm+ every other night. okay. something happened earlier between my mom and i, which seems to take downs on a even greater downhill ride. dont wanna share much, dont wanna dishonour them. screaming at me over tears she said, "the day you went to church is the day i lost you." you can almost imagine how she feels. i cant stand it okay, like as if serving God equals to like having fun like what the world offers. i guess this is the result when we dont live a hoslistically balanced life for God. they do feel that they had lost us to the church, and this would be alarming for them as we are their children. but as what Gideon says, this is the growing up stage for children, and if the children are not in church the chances of their going astray is even higher, since there is no channel of controlling and monitoring their children. well anyway, im asking God to take control of the circumstances and give me a breakthrough. give this family a breakthrough. andperhaps if not because of me serving God and the conflicts that arise from these, there wont be much of a chance for Christ's elements and message to come to my parents' life.

okay enough bout my life. happy chinese new year people! okay to be very honest, i kinda dont like chinese new year. not coz everything is in chinese lah. its just coz, its so red and outta the blue. no i mean outta the blue. and like all the visiting and stuff, meeting people who u meet only once a year. personally, its like if they mean something to you, u dont just meet them once a year during this specially allocated time do you. and oh how many families put on a false and fake appearance when they meet and talk to each other. have u ever heard of how your relatives have problems with this other relative, and how they meet and pretend to be happy to see each other? and its like alot of time is spent when people start to gamble. i mean, erm its just torturous to sit there for a few hours wasting time while the rest just gamble. ay it doesnt feel so fantastic does it.

oh well, i still love public holidays. yes happy chinese new year. may u get lots of red packets and have fun interacting with your relatives. yeah all the best people.

i want out!

probably hadnt felt this sick and lousy my entire life, apart from last june camp. was like down with heavy flu and high fever, which made me feel like i was sleeping in a freezer. yeah i guess its probably like what they call 'cold turkey'. not that i took drugs though, i was like rubbing myself all over to keep myself warm despite, the fan being turned off, windows closed, wrapped in blankets, and with socks i pulled on. yeah it felt terrible lah, and i almost like black-out again for the second time in my life at the bathroom. oh it felt like dying.

woke up today not feeling any much better. it always seems terrible when you're sick. yeah, flu plus bad throat plus high fever. my mom was even pushing for me to stay at home and rest instead. yeah but i knew if i did, i wouldn't be able to make it out to go for cg later. dont think she would let me to. so well anyway, sch was as usual, but thank God that the lessons are much shorter.

went out as a civics group to the nearby coffeeshop for lunch. a song kept impressing on my heart, and kept playing over and over in my head. it was a time of adoring God for simply just who He is. yeah felt like i was lost in my own world, lost in God's presence. didnt managed to catch much about what my civics group was talking bout. i feel so, scattered. i duno, i cant seem to find a better word. you know times when u feel like just doing nothing but adoring and praising God just for who He is. yes, those majestic moments.



went down to the RC early to practice worship before cg began today. met Gideon there and he taught us abit extra bout leading worship and stuff, and enforced and enlighted us on the BGR issues, and how to deal with them.


and so caregroup began. was glad sheep jason could join us for cg today, the first for him. and so it went well. and then i led worship with matthias. it kinda took great pains and effort to strain my voice over my bad throat and sing in pitch and tune. yeah but God is merciful, manged to lead without any major problems. thank God.

its monday and i feel so worn out already. had like PE the first period and had to run some 2.4km. yeah the day ended and dragged till 5.15pm. i have like gotten this flu which totally made me feel so very lousy i felt like just dying there. yeah on top of that im nursing this real bad sore throat. so at first the initial plan was to go out with my civics group for dinner outing. then matthias smsed me and called me down for worship practice for tml's caregroup. yeah had to go down, though at times it does seem real difficult to give up certain things for God's kingdom yeah, like to cancel arrangements and stuff, and how u know that u gonna get all kinds of remarks from others, as you would proceed and carry on doing God's work. but one verse kept ringing in my head.





yeah at times, we are called to give up certain areas of our life for God's will. i gave up soccer, so as to make time for God's work. i gave up alot i tell ya, we gave up alot. and sure, it is neva easy to let go of something which u hold on too and value. today i gave up going out and spending time with my peers. honestly, it doesnt become something which i often do anymore. just aint got the time for that lately.


practiced worship with matthias earlier. and i guess the viruses and bacteria got the better of me. there was no way i could talk, much less sing. halfway through i just got into this series of like painful coughs, i felt like i was literally coughing and vomitting my throat and lungs out. yeah it really sucked.


sometimes we serve and serve, bearing in mind the reason why we serve, afraid of it becoming a routine. but also bear in mind that, we are humans too!! and like everyone else, we need to rest and let our body recharged. i think i overworked myself, too much stuff to settle, to little time to rest. yeah okay so, let me go and, rest. i pray that i can at least get my voice back by tml. Oh Lord, use me as an usher for people into Your presence for tml's worship.

Change my heart Oh God
Make it ever true
Change my heart Oh God
May i be like You

You are the potter
I am the clay
Mold me and make me
This is what i pray



it's been a real tiring week. been back everyday of the week like past 10pm, expect for today. the headache's really a bore. i was almost so very keen on missing sch today, felt real sick and stuff. apart from this real bad headache, there's that flu and sorethroat which im nursing. yeah it certainly doesnt feel nice to be sick. i had to like to also miss the team hope appreciation night today. its certainly a waste. sheesh man.

got the interview thing for the parade during the easter week in sajc tml. heard it wasnt the easiest of all interviews from the people who went yesterday. of which includes questions like, "how often do u do your QT?" and "what is one verse u learnt from your QT recently that u can apply to your life?". awesomeness? yeah i guess so. i gotta rush down for service there after.


"In a loud voice they sang: "Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!" " - Revelation 5:12

just got back from brother simon's house at sengkang. yes its 11.35pm already. u know why!? coz i went down to the airport to pick up pastor ThongChai from Hope Bangkok!! like how awesome is that man. meeting pastors from our mother church is like once in a lifetime experience thing lah.

was like at serangoon mac's with my ex sch mates and gideon called, saying "shawn, do u love God?" i said yes lah. then he went, "do u want to grow in God more?" haha like DUH! so he sent me on a mission as the only guy to go pick up pastor ThongChai from the airport.

so met him and i was the first person he shook hands with! haha i came to realised that he speaks primarily.. mandarin. haha so i kinda picked up my 7 months abandonded chinese language. okay lah it was really insightful meeting a pastor from hope bangkok and we had a good and long chat, about how things are like there. definitely an opportunity to learn much. brought him around, then to drop off his laugage at brother simon's house. then went over to have dinner. coz he didnt have singapore dollars, i kinda had the priviledge to treat this hope bangkok pastor. haha must emphasise.

we were talking and he asked me something like wad im studying and stuff. then i said after JC we have to go NS for guys then university. so he asked in mandarin what do we study there in university. i so thought he meant in army, so i went "how to fire a gun" in mandarin. haha its super maluating lah. like it took me that split second to realise that he meant university. oh well nvm.

brought him back up to the apartment and we sat and talked a bit more. he kinda emphasised how impt it is to get our chinese language on track. and how it puts us at a definite advantage not only in terms of finding a job in the competitive society, but also at an advantage to share the Gospel to other people who can like communicate in mandarin only. he also like got us to note how speaking in their mother tongue brings forth that closeness and openness, which is very essential in outreaching.

then Gideon came over with.. Pastor Foil. like this is another pastor from hope bangkok too! wah he grew his group from 1000+ in jan 2005 to about 3800 as of date! and those are just from a particular youth university only!! like imagine the potential and how greatly God uses him. he has like 18 sheeps too lah, whom of which he faithfully shepherds all of them every single week. okay that requires alot of spiritual marity and stamina. u know shepherding two sheeps a week is already so spiritually draining. coz its like giving apart of your spiritual self away each time. like wow lah, how he does it man. he sleeps 4 hrs a day just to give himself enough time to serve God. come on, thats the benchmark! let's surpass him!

okay its real late already. i mean my parents arent that happy i went to pick up two pastors and came back at 11.30pm. haha like which parents would. well anyway, see ya all in sch tml.

Found this quote while doing QT. seemed to be simple yet thought provoking.




"But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear." - Isaiah 59:2


Seat's at God's table are not available to the sloppy. But who among us is anything otherwise? Unkempt morality. Untidy with truth. Careless with people. Our moral clothing is in disarray.


Throughout scripture, little has been said about the clothes Jesus wore. We know what his cousin John the Baptist wore. We know what the religious leaders wore. But the clothing of Christ is nondescript: neither so humble as to touch hearts nor so glamorous as to turn heads.


One reference to Jesus' garments is noteworthy, "When the soldiers had crucified Jesus, they divided his clothes among the four of them. They also took his robe, but it was seamless, woven in one piece from the top. So they said, "Let's not tear it but throw dice to see who gets it." - John 19:23 NLT


It would have well been Jesus' finest possession. Jewish tradition called for a mother to make such a robe and present it to her son as a departure gift when he left home. Had Mother Mary done this for Jesus? We do not know. But we do know that the tunic was without seam, woven form top to bottom.


Why is this significant?


The Bible often describes our behaviour as the clothes we wear. Peter urges us to be "clothed with humility" (1 Peter 5:5). David speaks of evil people who clothe themselves "with cursing"(Psalm 109:18). Garments can symbolize character, and like his garment, Jesus' character was seamless. He was like his robe: uninterrupted perfection.


"...woven.. from the top." Jesus wasn't led by his own mind, He was lead by the mind of His Father.


"Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does." - John 5:19


The character of jesus was like a seamless fabric woven from heaven to earth. But when Christ was nailed to the cross, He took off His robe of seamless perfection and assumed a different wardrobe, the wardrobe of indignity.


1) Indignity of nakedness: Stripped before His own mother and loved ones. Shamed before His family.


2) Indignity of failure: a few pain-filled hours, the religious leaders were the victors, and Christ appeared the loser. Shamed before His accusers.


3) Indignity of sin: "He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed." - 1 Peter 2:24


Jesus was not only shamed before people, He was shamed before heaven.


He felt the shame of the murderer and adulterer. He bore the disgrace of a liar. He felt the embarrassment of a cheater. Since He bore the sin of the whole world, He felt the collective shame of the world.


"Let us, then, go to him outside the camp, bearing the disgrace he bore." - Hebrews 13:13


He offers a robe of seamless purity and dons our patchwork coat of pride, greed, and selfishness. "He changes places with us." - Galatians 3:13. He wore our sins so we could wear His righteousness.


We come to the cross dressed in sin, we leave the cross dressed in the "coat of his strong love" (Isaiah 59:17) and girded with a belf of "goodness and fairness" (Isaiah 11:5) and clothed in "garments of salvation" (Isaiah 61:10).


"For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ." - Galatians 3:27


Jesus gave up His clothes of righteousness, He gave them up and put them on you and I. Naked and struck with shame and indignity, shamed before heaven and earth, the son of God hung nailed to a cross.


What aspects of Christ's seamless character are most difficult for you to "put on"? What areas of life cause you the most struggles?


How can we accept Jesus' offer of a robe of seamless purity? A robe of salvation? Have you done so?

God, teach me Your ways.

Lead me in a blameless life.

Lead and guide me by the hand; and weigh me in honest scales.

May my heart be blameless toward your decrees, for my eyes do not stray from side to side.

been a real long and tiring day. which extends from monday till now. had like alvin and luke who came over to sajc to crash. at least there's something good out of it, we got to know more contacts. wanted to like pay a visit to YJC after school, but apparently i stepped on mud and like got a brown polka-dotted pants. so we went down to plaza singapura.

guess who we saw there!? my sheep!! its very encouraging to see my sheep and how he explains to us the different people he met and how it's tough for him to reach out to them. i tell ya he's grown in Christ. really grown, yeah like seeing your own child grow up lah. real encouraging. sat around cafe cartel and like talked about, God. shared with each other what we learnt during quiet time and stuff. such sharing which you can never get elsewhere. i mean face it, everytime Christ isnt in the center of a conversation, more often than not, it turns towards gossip after all that's meant to be said, has been said.

went down to sheep's place after that to collect the guitar and had some praise and worship. then proceeded after we picked up Gideon to.. prata house again. this time there wasnt much sharing. and kinda caused a war at home when i told my parents that i'd be staying over. yes it was surely tempting to get angry. after all, i dont just like stay over coz i have nothing to do. im staying over at my shepherd's place with the intention to learn something new for God. but then again, it wont be easy to explain that to them. for i can be expecting like, "why cant teach over the phone?"

talked it through and thought it be wise if i didnt stay over, even though my parents kinda 'allow' me to. called back home, and bought my sis a prata. went back and it seemed that my parents werent that mad, and it seemed like Gideon has something really impt to tell me, so i went over to stay.

apparently we were all too sleepy and didnt get to share anything at all. well yeah okay. woke up and proceeded to church, for metamorphosis. it was mainly for new believers. well yeah okay, it was almost solely for new believers. and the teaching was about spending quiet time with God, of which i have attended and know quite some time back already. but still there's always a pointer or two to pick up. then we had this amazing race thing all around orchard. its fun definitely, and best part is that behind it all, its all about the core elements to a caregroup.

had a fun time during lunch break playing that table soccer machine put up at the starhub foodcourt. yup its like, center of fellowship there!

had priscilla teaching about holy spirit baptism again. and kinda like her sermon stand broke halfway, so gentleman me lended a helping hand. haha and apparently i was wearing the sajc pe shirt (i stayed over what), so it looked quite glamorous on the screen. haha okay wadeva.

its truely amazing, to see how God gives when we ask, and when we desire. and what more? when we desire His holy presence. the whole church was filled with the presence of God once more as people we Holy Spirit baptised and broke out in tongues. the very presence of God that is so strong that moves and opens even the most hardened hearts to tears. yes God is with us. and i love it just so when i know that He is apart of me.

went down to meet melcher at serangoon to collect soccer shoes for my contact tml. yilyn came down from her block to join us. so we talked abit and i taught abit here and there. so yeah glad he made the effort all the way down for erm, God's kingdom! yes yes. okay thank God for u melcher.

i know at times it gets so spiritually draining. especially when we are so caught up with our shedules and everything, that we just serve and work ourselves out so mentally and spiritually, that we forget that we are humans afterall. do spend time with God too! and be refreshed by Him on a daily basis so that we can like have strength to carry on the next day and also keep our spiritual health in check.

the orientation came to a close on friday. okay it was fun getting together and cheering our lungs out. and getting my pants, hands and shirt all covered in paint for the nehoma banner. the banner's so nice right! well okay basically its kinda sad in that sense that it all has to come to an end. like people who were total strangers on tuesday, are now cheering their lungs out on friday. we had this disco thing in the hall but apparently the sound system crashed everytime it overloaded. so there wasn't much sound and everyone was just like dancing to the CD player. but its like really strange to see, well be with people who can like totally jump to music on a CD player, what bout they jump for God instead? there was one praise song though, "one way". but its like they decided not to do any other songs coz its kinda inappropriate esp since there are non-Christians around too. oh yeah and people were like starting all those clubbing moves and stuff. yes and i guess the guys were starting to get real rowdy and erm, nearly started a fight?

well moving on to service today. it seems as though, even pastor Jeff's having this bad feeling about the year 2006. you know it kinda gets scary, when so many of us are getting this word from God about this year. so here's the teaching on..


How To Overcome The Fear Of The Future

"1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." - Psalm 23


In Verse 4, David said "Even though", and not "if". Problems in our Christian walk is definitely inevitable.

Everyone of us not only lives for now, but for the future. which thus lead many who wants to know about the future, to try various ways, like palm reading, horoscope, etc.

Ecclesistes 3:11 - " He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

People worry about tomorrow, and therefore they don't enjoy today.

Worry is an issue of control. If we know that for every exam we would be able to give ourselves full marks, would we then worry for it? No. People worry because they do not know what lies in tomorrow.

As one pastor once said, "It's okay to worry in everyday of your life except yesterday, today, and the day after today."

As Christians we can be glad to know that our future is secured. Surely, we do not know what lies in tomorrow, but we know who holds our tomorrow.

" Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever." - Psalm 23:6


1) Know That God Is Watching Over Me. (v6)

God watches over us all the days of our lives.

Romans 8:28

If we trust and walk close to God, everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen, will work out for our good.

It's God's "responsibility" to work out everything for our good if we trust Him completely.

Good times blesses us, but bad times builds us.

God's greatest goal for your life, is not for you to lead a comfortable life, not for you to be the walking testimony for the straight As or whatever, but for you to be more like Christ Jesus.

Like every wise parent, they do not shield their children from every of life's problem. But like every loving parent, God will not tempt us beyond what we can endure, or let us down. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
In fact, He will be there to help you overcome it.

Hebrews 12:11

Training isn't much fun, but it is the well-trained who find maturity in their relationship with God.

Certainly, being a Christian isn't gonna be easy. People may make fun or even ridicule you. Think about it, it is certainly easy to get angry and retaliate when getting confronted by. But God teaches us not to hate our enemies, but instead to pray for them. Don't just do what is right, but what is biblical. for at times, what is right may not be what is biblical.


2) Know That God's Love Works In Me. (v6)

God's love consists of:
- God's grace
- God's mercy

Grace: Getting what we do not deserve.
Mercy: Not getting what we deserve.

Surely 2006 would be a challenging year. We need to approach it with courage, strength and the right attitude.

Ask God for wisdom too. Work hard and work smart. We need wisdom to reach out to people in our lives, and to make those complicated and tough decisions.

We need mercy, because we need forgiveness.

Hebrews 4:16

Approach the throne of grace with confidence, not fear. so that we can receive mercy and find grace, and not condemnation.

"Reckless" confidence. Grace allows us to do what He wants us to do. Mercy will help us out when we do what He does not want us to do.


3) Know That heaven Is Waiting For Me (v6)

David knows that his fuure is assured. Many fear death because they do not know where they are going after physical death.

People who know God need not be afraid, for we know that heaven is waiting for us.

Be assured of our position in Christ.

Revelation 21:4

Even if we feel down and spiritually dry, know that our future is secured.

The key to this whole psalm, is in the first five words, "The Lord is my shepherd."

Who is really the shepherd of our lives? The environment? People? Or Jesus Christ?


How about we repharse the first verse. Instead of "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want". why not see it in the real context of, "The LORD is my shepherd, I have everything that I need."

sch was okay. but i guess i kinda over AA-ed. not my intention though, and not the wisest thing to do. i got like sabo-ed for that man-hunt thing. and like on stage, it suddenly dawned on me what was actually happening.

hmm okay kinda cool when the principal spoke to all the Christians. and it's like she's God's chosen one to address the problem that was so obviously obvious with luke-warm Christians. and yeah, those we kinda tarnish the name of Christ. and then we had this praise and worship. And it kinda dawned on me too that i was the only one in the whole hall jumping to the praise. okay, thats being AA again. But this is different! how can one hold back while praising God right! and we had worship too. which is cool, though the atmosphere wasnt really there coz u can like sense quite a huge majority holding back for erm.. pride i guess. ah anyway who am i to judge.

CG was awesome today. really it was truely a time blessed by God. worship was so ministering it seems as though it was comparable to service. maybe its coz i guess everyone was feeling quite burdened bout the year 2006.

and by the time it got to worship, i was really like kinda wishing luke had intro-ed the worship much shorter coz was like dying to be in God's presence. yes and into His courts i was brought. and it seemed like Jun Liang, Luke and i kinda felt the same thing pressing onto our hearts during worship. and im sure many others felt the same too. yeah this year of 2006 is one that is gonna be filled with lots of obstacles and challenges that would really test and push our faith. but it would very well be a year full of growth in Christ. and it's really gonna be the year where God is gonna use the J1s to do and accomplish huge stuffs for Him. you can like almost see it with faith.

it was the official last CG for all the J2s, and its quite an emo CG okay. yeah really gonna miss all of em! given the right setting i think we all can like just cry on their shoulders and begged God to make them fail their As and make em retake it. ay but its for the growth i guess, and for them to really add strength to the NS group. which makes us J1s and the new J2s officially the fresh leaders of the group! oh right. im just praying that we would be able to surpass what the J2s had done with the group this year yeah.

sense of a rather accomplished feeling, i would say, that i left with today from sajc. and yeah, gotta come to terms soon, that its the jc i would be in at least for the next 3 months.

things did seemed to appear quite draggy. well but i guessed i got to meet so many people today. hmm talked to Joel again like after one whole year. talked to hannah too after one whole year. met those people whom i lost touch with i guess. met some tuition mates. met and talked to colleen too. okay lah its real many people.

and luke blantantly came over and 'crashed' with us. and oh how he so bluntly told them that he was my friend, and that he escaped from yjc, and he is 'crashing' with sajc. erm.. but its good in a way. combined efforts to like get the contacts of 2 people already. hmm i think gonna get 2 more tml yeah. 17 is just.. so near! ah right. okay, like really sometimes u gotta come out of your comfort zone, for God to use you. get what i mean right!

okay left sch with shijie. i guess i would say its a case of 'over-followup'. coz i think he feels too comfortable with me already. good and bad in a way. makes retaining almost certain, BUT, makes shepherding him quite a problem. ay maybe i would just hand him over to matthias.

sheesh i have so much to say which would seem rather inappropriate at this point! so yup. see ya all some time real soon i guess.

and so its the year 2006 already. and restructuring is offically announced. okay we'll really have to see how everything goes. and yes, im feeling so sad coz all the j2s are gonna move on to the NS group real soon. there goes those pillars of strength, but we shall rise up! 50 J1 generation for God alright. i have complete faith that it will come to pass this year.

i know where i gotta improve. kinda had Gideon tell that to me on our second shepherding session. seems scary ya know, but yeah.