it has been a kind of like a long walk through life today. got up and made my way down to the rc to meet Gideon for shepherding with Gideon. apparently this is my first official shepherding with him. yeah got to the RC and kinda realised that he was still meeting the highschool girls. like i think was some prayermeet. its kinda interesting to observe how he leads a prayer, and the choice of words he uses. i guess we really gotta be wise, like to meet the needs of others.

we went down to far east to like tour abit. it was more of like just hanging out on the first shepherding lah. haha yeah opened my life to him and yup we talked. he kinda made me identify my own weakness and stuff, its good in that sense that i know where i should improve. yup, alright. i guess there are some areas of our lives that we really got to address whether we like it or not. hmm.. i realised too that im quite an indecisive person. not that i choose to be that way, but at times i tend to like just lay back and let people just dictate the scene. cant really do that, okay in fact i should not do that. yeah i'll change.

aft which we went down to toapayoh to discuss our cg tml with the sisters side. it was quite fun lah, and then we went grocery shopping, which i am such a failure at. i didnt even know yellowtail fishball, the yellowtail is the name of the fish. i thought its like the fishball was made from the tail of the fish. yeah dont laugh okay, im sure u dont know that quil eggs are polka doted with black markings right! haha wadeva.

okay i got back home after all that grocery shopping. i was quite disturbed by wad my father told me over the phone when i got back, and back at home things didnt get any better. okay honestly, wad my family is going through is the best of times, in fact its gonna hit rock bottom soon enough. if there's a prayer request from me today it would be that u guys pray for my family, and that the bonds between and among the family dont strain any further. and from the looks of things i cant really see a glimmer of hope left. no im being extremely honest, i tried nearly every way possible alright, i guess its now more of the prayer part.

so i decided to take a walk, or else i would have like exploded at home. yeah walked around my neighbourhood. tried to call and talk to my sheeps, with the intention of talking to them face to face, and like kinda catch up with them. apparently everyone was busy at that moment. God's plan? perhaps. yeah, i guess there were some issues and problems that i had to settle with God. i sat by the playground and waited. yes i waited, and waited. i had no idea wad i was waiting for, perhaps for God to spoke a rhama word to me. okay i decided to sort my life out, it was lots of "are You sure? are You so sure God? that it was meant to be this way?" coz i was like just talking to Gideon the other way, and kinda debating with him over the phone whether it is possible for a Christian to lose his salvation, as in if a Christian backslides, would he then go to heaven or hell after he passes from the earth. there's two train of thoughts, kinda deep so i wont like post it here. but at the end we kinda agreed that salvation depends on your relationship with God. after all God created us to fellowship with Him.

then it hit me. the fullness of it all hit me. like, "God tell me, then would You have my parents saved?" are they Christians? yes they are. in fact they are both water baptised. but do they still have a close, or even have a personal relationship with God? the answer is no. well then, "are my parents saved?" i guess it really started to sink in that unless i do something, even if there was a glimpse of hope of my parent's salvation, it would most certainly be gone. like all of you guys, i would like to see my parents with me for eternity too.

it was spiritually draining. yes i cried out to God. i needed that reassurance He gives once again tonight. i sat there and spend the next 2 hrs with God. i just wanted to be lifted up in His presence and erm just, sleep there or something. i started sorting out things and issues with God one by one. both personal, then about other stuff. i asked Him for strength and stuff, yeah i felt really down and kinda like on a spiritual low. it was then that God reminded and spoke to me through a song. yes i almost thought God wasnt gonna speak to me tonight. but God is faithful! yes okay, im reminded and, praise God, i guess im spiritually back on track! okay through tears and a warmed heart i guess that nothing really is too big for God to handle eh?

okay, then i spotted this bunch of adults in Christmas hats coming along and going from door to door asking the neighbours whether they wanted carolling. it really warmed my heart okay. even adults are in this race together? like what!! it isnt just me alone, i got the whole church, i got the whole Christian movement throughout the globe with me. oh God just amazes me. alright man!

luke, rayson and martin came over and we met up, and made our way to prata house for erm.. supper i guess. haha real glad they came over, needed to see some familiar faces. we talked and really it wasnt just surface talk, it was as though we were like blood brothers or something. the amazing thing is, im not even the same age as any of them. its amazing how when Christ is the center or any relationship, oh how deep and wide it can grow. and luke is one funny guy. haha okay we were like talking bout marriage and stuff(yes how out of the blue). and he's thinking is just hilarious man. well i guess one day we would see who's his wife gonna be! yeah it was a great time we had, and not to mention the indian prata seller who tried to tell us a joke which apparently he spoke too soft so we couldnt hear. so when he started laughing, we just followed. haha yeah.

hmm we left at around 12am and walked back home with martin. sang and talked and sang praises along the way. fellowship with people, i just hope that when God looks at His church He would smile and at least get like, "now that's what im talking about." yup at least i know that we are all giving our best, and had gave our best this Christmas. ah gotta move on, sch's gonna reopen. everythings gonna start pouring at us right? hmm, kinda filled with anticipation in that sense. oh well, see ya all tml at cg or erm, soon in sch!